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Sunday, February 1st, 2009
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Saturday, January 17th, 2009
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Hahaha.
Livejournal...how the fuck you been?
Seriously, I forgot you existed for what seems like an eternity.
Well well well...me?
I've been busy...
...buying a house...
...becoming the Executive Sous Chef of The Prime Osborn Convention Center, The Jacksonville Veteran's Memorial Arena & The Times Union Center For Performing Arts.
...getting engaged...
& just plain being awesome.
I don't do much anymore other than work, play video games & see my ladies.
Alina is getting really big.
& she is speaking very well now.
She just turned three back in November.
Right now I am sitting in my office at work, at almost 3:30 in the morning.
Samantha is making a wedding cake for a competition, & my kitchen is alot closer than her's.
Seriously though, what is everyone else up to?
ianawesome
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Sunday, January 11th, 2009
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Anyone remember when we used to be friends?
That was tight.
ianasshole
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Well well well. I finally decided it was time to give this thing an update...& I don't know why. But either way, here it goes:
I guess you could say I'm starting to pull off this grown up thing...in a little less than two weeks I'll be the very proud owner of a house. That's right, Samantha & I are buying a house. It's beautiful...not a huge house, but enough space for us & Alina. Definitely alot better than this garage apartment.
I've been really into making home made markers & inks/paints lately. So it will be super tight to have a garage for all my little paint experiments...plus, a kitchen that is infinitely bigger than the one we have now. Also, the back yard, & hopefully a puppy soon.
I work at TPC Sawgrass...& that's awesome. If you don't know, TPC's are the golf properties that the PGA Tour owns. So, I work in the club house...working on being the p.m. lead cook. I have awesome benefits & awesome superiors. I've been there for a little over a year now.
Alina is two & half, & She is getting so smart. You can practically have a conversation with her now. It's amazing.
...& it's about now that I've lost interest in writing. So, in conclusion, things are good...& they're only going to get better.
I love Alina.
I love Samantha.
ian asshole
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Friday, August 17th, 2007
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I just sit there, & let the thoughts flood.
I remind myself, "it's all right. It's all good. It's all love."
It's not though, because there's a kink in the armor.
A pot hole I'm sinking in while I think of the drama.
So I stand up & start to pace in my living room.
Set my eye to the highway knowing that I'll play chicken soon.
There's a vanity plate with my name on it...
There's a Davey Crocket hat with a Masonic fat cat under it.
A musket rifle spitting at my feet...
They want me to dance in the middle of the street.
I respect my elders.
So I do as I'm told.
But I offset the bell curve when I do it with soul...losing control...
Guilty feet do have rhythm.
They just dance to the wrong theme music to amuse the villain.
Instead of killing, I'll spare the raccoon, & start filling sandbags while I stare at the moon & let the thoughts flood.
Blessed are those who are dammed.
When the levee broke how many choked to the steps of a slow dance?
...A stairway to a hug with no hands...
Accountability hung out to dry on the line of command.
We let the thoughts flood.
We remind ourselves, "It's all right. It's all good. It's all love."
It's not thought.
Because there's a kink in the armor.
A pot hole I'm sinking in sharing a drink with my father.
It's a family affair.
The vanity we share.
The waterline is rising & all we do is stand there...
The waterline is rising & all we do is stand there...
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Wednesday, September 20th, 2006
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Well well well...
I figure it's been long enough.
I should probably post something real...I doubt anyone reads this anymore, but why not?
I'm pretty tired these days...around 90 hours a week spent in a kitchen between school & two jobs...
I still work at The Fox on the weekends.
& I work at an upscale french place called Pastiche.
Monday nights, I go to Jiu Jitsu.
That's fun...but horribly tiring.
At school, I'm on the competition team.
In Orlando a few weeks ago, we took first in the state of Florida & are going to regionals...first time a team from my school has ever done that.
Joe Cumbee is coming down to the Jacksonville Tattoo Convention in a couple of weeks...he's going to do a phoenix head on the other side of my neck.
Alina is getting so big so fast.
She's ten & a half months old now & is cute & active as ever.
...I can't think of too much else to type...so, I suppose I should go to bed.
School in the morning & all...
ian asshole
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Wednesday, September 13th, 2006
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We need to reacquaint. Things are different now, I ain't the same man I was
Hi, how are you doing? I'm new and improved with even less to lose
A collector's edition version of a virgin drink ordering cocktail teller
Gone way wrong...to the point of no rerun
Over the edge and burned out before I even got my shine
Holding my head in pure doubt
Out of insight. Out of mindful things to shout or rhyme about
Yeah, I know I was supposed to change the world and all
But it looks like the world got to me first
If you can't beat em, join 'em..
Then hurt the team by beating yourself
I'm different...in a different way
The only thing that stays the same is change
While people claim their states, I state my claims
Sage Francis made a name for himself
For the record my mother calls me Paul
Which was my father's middle name, but Ray
Stepped in and raised me
It's crazy, but this is a game I play
called "Shut the fuck uuuuuuup!"
Don't bother calling me at all because I'm not answering
Is that a voice-mail-bomb-threat or a broken promise I'm mishandling?
Gambling away my money issues, somebody owes me big bucks
My career depends on explosive vacuums sucking me in and blowing me up
Poetry struck a nerve in the listenership
Spoken word then got 'em all interested
Now I don't have to serve ice cream to little kids
I serve emcees who think they're rippin' it
And poets who think they're somehow significant
Meanwhile both are loud and ignorant
And don't know how to speak to a crowd in an intimate environment
I am different. In a different way
The only thing that stays the same is change
While people claim their states, I state my claims
I'm a quiet natured player who outwardly hates the game
I shake what I got, which is a jingly pocket
I do my mini-market research and make noise for myself when I walk quick
I talk with authority while I question it
When I ask, "Who am I?" I'm left guessing
But if you're a poor man's version of ANYTHING
It is your self-perception
Growing up in a microscopic town prepared me well for this petrii dish
Where talk is invisible to the eye and they hate the guy they're speaking with
I'm a real vegetarian: No chicken...not even fish
I'm a real underground rapper
My tape quality sucks, my records are warped and my CD skips
Lady Luck is a greedy bitch with itchy palms and a case of the gimmes
I've got an outtie if she's got an inny, I'll clean her pipes and then sweep her chimney
The beat that's in me is polyrhythmic. You're only 60 heart beats per minute
A human second-hand-me-down-to-earth-guy who will thriftshop-lift his hiphop
I may be getting too big for my britches
but I paid my dues when the cost was climbing
If I burn too many bridges I'll never get off of this awful island
As long as I've been rhyming, they only started listening
Because for a while they didn't like how
I wouldn't smoke the pot that I was pissin' in
Plus I had no dead homies to pour out the liquor I don't drink
You can flash your shiny objects in front of my eyes and I won't blink
I'm motherfucking different. Oooohhhh yyyeeeaaahhhh..
I'm motherfucking different. Oooohhhh yyyeeeaaahhhh..
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With time comes change.
Tonight started it all.
I'm not really up for talking about it on here, but EVERYTHING is changing.
& I hope it ends up being for the better.
At least better for my daughter anyway...she's all I really care about.
That's really all I have left is work & family.
& I like it like that.
Brett, Donald & I made a promise to hang out at least once a week.
Brett just got Photoshop back, so he's joining me on the cupsofgasoline project.
cupsofgasolinedotcom
That's for all of your graphic design needs.
School starts back in August, but I've been down there twice a week for a few weeks now...
Culinary Competition Team practice.
Pretty rad.
We have an amazing menu this time around.
I have to work in the morning...but...I'm too wound up with everything to go to sleep.
After everything is finalized, I suppose I'll write about it.
But for now, everything is questionable.
Umm...July 29th, If I Should Die is doing a reunion show because Joey "Temptaion" is moving to some other place.
Show's going to be at Thee Imperial...EVERYONE should come check it out.
That's basically all I got.
Someone IM me or something... cupsofgasoline
ianasshole
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Wednesday, April 5th, 2006
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...& myspace is blocked on these computers.
I'm in the service class.
& I hate it.
WORST CLASS EVER.
I have to wait tables.
& set up baquets.
Suckssss.
But.
My spring break starts next week.
So, Saturday I'm flying up to St. Louis to hang out with Joe Cumbee for a week.
I've missed him alot.
& while I'm up there, I'll be getting alot of tattoos.
My sleeve touched up.
My thigh finished.
My right hand.
& probably some other stuff.
Who knows?
All I know is that I am glad to be getting away from work for a week.
I never update this thing anymore.
I'm always too busy to do anything.
Tonight, however, after I get out of class, Donald & I are getting together to do what we do best.
& then maybe a late night painting session with Token.
So leave me some love.
ianmotherfuckingawesome
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Sunday, January 15th, 2006
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My daughter.
& my new hand tattoo.
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Friday, January 13th, 2006
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Life has been crazy lately.
I'm sort of bummed...Joe Cumbee...one of my best friends...is moving to St. Louis on Monday.
So, probably during spring break I'll go spend the week with him.
Maybe go over to Kansas City & see Nate?
Probably see Justin on my way through Atlanta.
Tomorrow night, Joe is tattooing my hand.
I'm getting an anvil.
Because I'm awesome.
& anvils are awesome.
After I get my tax return back, I'm going to give Mike Wilson alot of money for my geisha arm.
I competed in my first ACF (American Culinary Federation) team competition today.
Out of six teams, only one took a good medal.
Four (including mine) took bronze.
& one didn't get anything.
I'm happy I got anything.
I want another competion...I want a gold medal.
Other than that, not much has been going on.
Just working alot.
& school alot.
Someone call me so we can fucking hang out.
ianmotherfuckingawesome</a>
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Monday, December 5th, 2005
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...I feel like I stand a snowball's chance in hell to do ANYTHing.
I'm expected to be everything I can't be.
At school.
At work.
At home...both mine, & other's.
I don't want to deal with this anymore.
Any of it.
I am fucking tired of everything.
I am so rediculously stressed about EVERYTHING.
I trudge through my entire week to my "weekends"...which are Thursday night & Friday night because those are the only two times a week I'm not at school or work.
Now, I can't even do what I want on my weekends.
I am a slave to my own decisions.
I want to make everything alright...mostly just with myself.
But that won't happen anytime soon.
Mom says I just need to bite some bullets...I think I have bad teeth.
It's either this or that.
It's always something.
I can never do anything right.
There is always something more I need to get around to doing.
Two of my best friends are moving away...a little too soon.
& the only thing I have left that makes me feel better...getting tattooed...i can't fucking do.
Why?
Because mom doesn't approve.
I have a horrible complex.
This complex tells me I have to do everything to make everyone around me happy.
I can never just do what would make me happy because it's always "a bad idea."
...I wish these so called adivce givers could just live my life for me.
This isn't fucking easy.
Not in the slightest.
"Oh well...you should just do this...don't forget to... you need to..."
Goddamn I can't fucking do it anymore.
Not to sound harsh, but I don't want anyone to say "Oh it's okay...you'll get through it."
Or "Oh I'm sorry to hear it you'll be alright."
Yeah.
I will be alright.
I know it.
right now, I am just too fucking tired to deal with anything....
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Friday, December 2nd, 2005
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...but it's cool I'll be alright.
Lots of talking & advice giving went about today.
I'm drowning, really.
I hate this fucking feeling...but, I suppose I'll get over it.
Ugggggggh.
Another day tomorrow....
ianmotherfuckingawesome
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Sunday, November 20th, 2005
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Words wasted on the weak...
Yeah.
I got nothin'.
I should be studying right now.
But, I can't concentrate.
I don't know what the point of this is.
I've never been on top of nothin', except a stove, inside a pot of water...
Bed time, I guess.
ianmotherfuckingawesome
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Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
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Anyone else notice the resemblence?
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Sunday, November 6th, 2005
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...anyone else thinks that Byron Leftwich & Gary Coleman could be brothers?
Ahhhh anyway.
I never update anymore.
So, why not give a once in a never update with some good ole' random thoughts?
You know, she akways used to look up lyrics.
That's all she seemingly ever did was just see what other people are writing...
So, she'd share some of them with me.
I'd always be listening to a song a few months later & find what she had read.
So I finally found what one of the last things she ever said to me was.
"If you care at all, don't call..."
It's Jimmy Eat World.
I bought this CD a few nights ago.
& heard it.
...so, the past couple of days I've been remembering her.
I haven't done this I don't know how long.
In fact, I am finally in the process of getting her initials covered up.
(if you don't know, don't ask.)
Not much else has been going on.
I still just go to work & school.
Work & school.
work & school....
I feel like I'm worn so thin.
The slightest things get on my nerves.
& it's really not even the things that annoy me...
It's the fact that I need rest.
I need a fucking vacation.
I need to get away from everything for a while.
...my knucles say love life...
I'm doing my best to do that.
But it gets really fucking tough some times.
I don't like lazy people.
& I don't like people who can't do their jobs after smoking pot.
Herb or not, it makes most people fucking stupid.
I don't like it when you argue with me.
I do actaully know what I'm talking about sometimes.
I don't like band whores.
...if you fuck someone just because they're in a band, you're fucking pathetic.
I don't like bullshit excuses.
I don't like stress.
But most of all, I don't like it when I bitch about everything.
So this is where I stop.
ianmotherfuckingawesome
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Thursday, November 3rd, 2005
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So.
I don't really know what to say.
Is it possible to hatev everyone & love life at the same time?
Apparently, it is.
I don't really like anyone, except for a few people.
But I fucking love my life.
Alot of people look at me, & ask me how the fuck I do it.
...& honestly, I don't know.
I'm busy as fuck, & I miss my best friends.
But other than that, fuck it.
I love my life.
Right now I'm talking to Gina.
It's awesome.
I fucking miss her.
I have also recently found out that there is a guy in my class that is my double.
We just sit around & make fun of everyone.
It's awesome.
I'm awesome.
Life is fucking awesome.
ianmotherfuckingawesome
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Friday, October 28th, 2005
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| Subject: | TRU DAT! |
| Time: | 11:24 pm. |
| Mood: |  contemplative. | | Music: | Dead Prez - Propaganda. |
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You can't fool all of the people all of the time,
But if you fool the right ones then the rest will fall behind.
Tell me who has control of your mind, your world view,
Is the news or the movie you're taking your girl to?
Know what I'm saying 'cause Uncle Sam has a plan,
if you examine what they tellin' us then you will understand,
What they plantin' in the seeds that is next generation,
feeding our children miseducations.
NO ONE KNOWS,
If there's UFOs or any life form on Mars.
What they doin' when they up in the stars?
'Cause I don't believe a word of what the president say.
He fillin' our head with lies, got us mizmorized,
When he speaking in code about crime & poverty,
Drugs, welfare, prisons, guns & robbery.
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Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
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Crazy.
I just read through like, three pages of elljay.
& I realized why I never really come on this thing anymore.
...& it's silly, really.
I read exactly what I knew would of happened a year ago.
People change & fall out.
Grab on to trends & go with them.
& I don't mean to make my first real post in forver to be a rant, but fuck everyone who just jumped on the straight edge band wagon & sold out.
You are what makes my life such a joke to people.
Fuck that.
Anyway.
I'm a busy, busy man.
I go to school full time.
I work a full time job.
& a part time job.
I have no time for anything anymore.
It sucks.
But.
I do what I have to.
I don't really know what else to say.
I miss everyone.
So...fucking call me or send me text messages or something.
ianmotherfuckingawesome
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Sunday, September 18th, 2005
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DON'T PASS GO.
DON'T POST BAIL.
RICH PEOPLE DON'T GO TO JAIL.
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x904hardcorex's journal
loved.
chipper.
cold.
sore.
drained.
anxious.
accomplished.
annoyed.